Archive for January, 2007

Black Wednesday

today is sucky. plain and simple. i woke up in a ragingly bad mood, and then instead of trying to talk myself out of said mood, i decided to pick a fight with my perfectly wonderful husband, who got into a nasty mood himself and proceeded to fail a psychology quiz, for which i feel (rightly so) totally responsible. then i got to work and it was picture day- the day we designated a week ago as the day to take pictures for the department website- and, as has been the norm as of late, i looked like total dog crap. now i can’t concentrate. and i feel so bad that j failed his quiz- why he married a moody bitch like me, i’ll never know. we’re going out to dinner tonight after work to cheer him up, and i know i will just spend the whole time feeling like some abusive spouse who doesn’t deserve what she’s got. man, i need to learn how to control these mood swings of mine; god only knows how he’s going to survive it if i get pregnant someday.

so i redesigned my blog- anybody like it? anybody reading it? maybe i’m just typing for my own enjoyment, and that’s fine really. it will get me through the dark months, which have now officially arrived. it’s cold here now, wicked cold (to steal the new england-ism), and it’s looks like winter is here to stay for a while. sometimes i wish i were a forest animal and could just hibernate, at least for the post-Christmas months. all i want to do lately is lie in bed and eat, which- i gotta tell ya- is doing wonders for my ass. i’m trying to psyche myself back into dieting and exercising, but so far the progress has been minimal. i have cut back on drinking lately, due to the school work and busier schedule, which, by association, reduces the chances of 2am pizza feasting, but i continue to stare blankly at the huge elliptical machine in my bedroom as though i’m not sure what it is or how it got there. the thing is in my room– i clearly have no excuse whatsoever. maybe the threat of summer and an end to bulky sweaters and thigh-disguising pants will motivate me. i need to exercise, cuz god knows i don’t have the willpower to go on any truly effective diet, and even if i did, my body never changes through diet alone anyway. its just too damn cold to walk outside, which is my favorite way to get moving. i should go back to yoga.

i’m thinking of quitting my band- they’re getting on my nerves, and i feel like it’s more of an obligation than a joy these days. though i would really miss singing. maybe i should just start looking for a more interesting and motivated band, one that actually gets gigs and rehearses, and has a pre-established leader with some drive and some management skills. i don’t want to be the leader, i just want to sing. yeah, that’s a good idea, i should give myself another project to go with work, grad school, marriage and trying to work out more- great idea.

sorry guys- now i’m just whining. bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

i should be reading for class or working on my pathfinder or my association project or one of many other assignments i am supposed to be staying ahead of. but all i really want to do right now is dive into a big bowl of pasta carbonara, a glass (okay, a bottle) of red wine and about a million episodes of Friends.

if summertime rolls, winter time blows.


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as dictated by the lovely Synge, here are five things that you probably didn’t know about me. i find this exercise easier than some, simply because i don’t blog as often as they do, i am at least somewhat secretive by nature, and my husband (who knows absolutely everything about me at any given moment, due to my bad habit of babbling-on senslesly to him after a long day locked away in my attic office/garrett with no one to talk to- the man has the patience of a saint, or perhaps he has just trained himself to go temporarily deaf at the appropriate times, in which case he wouldn’t know these things either) doesn’t read this blog:

1. i started another blog last september when i was going through a brief career mini-crisis, just before i got my current job. it was called “starting from scratch”, and i don’t remember the address (but it was on blogger).

2. i have a deep fear of falling down stairs, and am convinced that one day i will indeed fall down a flight or two.

3. when i was ten or twelve, i briefly had a huge crush on my third cousin, Rice, who is now a school teacher somewhere in New England. (okay synge, you may have known this one, but you didn’t know that he was a teacher now, i’m sure)

4. the only foods i truly hate are radishes, liver and baby corn (and the thought of the three combined almost makes me gag just to type it).

5. i truly enjoy the album “J-Lo: Tha’ Remixes”, and even went out of my way to buy a new copy of it when it was released. i am not ashamed- it’s a great album to work out to. i also appreciate christina aguilera’s music, and think her current style phase is quite adorable. so there- i like cheesy modern pop music.

that was fun! i want to name more things (it’s so cathartic):

6. i rarely wear socks without a pattern or cutesy design on them- my sock drawer is chock full of novelty socks. one of my favorite pairs has a tiny basket full of apples beneath an apple tree and the rest of the sock is strewn with fruit and leaves. i am also partial to a pair with a tiny little native american couple standing by a teepee.

7. i really enjoyed the movie “along came polly”, though i am a little embaressed to admit that; i thought jennifer aniston was really likeable.

8. if i were to win the lottery today, i would immediatly go to school to get a masters in folklore and/or mythology. useless in the world of careers, but absolutely fascinating.

9. when i was little i really wanted to live in a hollowed out tree (like the boy in the book “My Side of the Mountain” ) or in a tree house (like the Disney version of Swiss Family Robinson). sometimes i still do.

10.the sounds of styrafoam being broken into pieces or shoes crunching in (dry) snow set my teeth on edge.

11. i am 1/16th cherokee indian, and when i was applying to colleges, my mom tried to see if that qualified me for a minority scholarship (it didn’t- you can’t be less than 1/8th).

okay, i should probably stop and get back to my library reading, though i could keep digging up obscure facts about myself all day. does that make me self-centered? probably. oh well. i can’t think of anyone to tag, as everyone who reads this blog has already been tagged.

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(And I do mean Obama, not Superman, just to be clear; though the man of steel would sure beat the hell out of the man of putty who’s in the white house now…)

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After reading Vixanne’s blog, I too took the tarot test, and here were my results:

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you’ve been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you’ve done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I hope they’re right. My horoscope for the year, says that this will be a year of major self-discovery for me. I feel like that’s true already; I am really trying to focus on practicing patience, evaluating my goals and priorities, and maintaining balance in my life. I think that this is already doing great things for my relationship with J- not that it wasn’t great before, but I feel like now that we’re both back in school and focusing on our goals for ourselves, it’s making our relationship with each other even stronger. They do say (who is “they”, anyway?) that you must be happy with yourself before you can truly be happy with someone else. Not to ramble on in this sappy manner for too long, but I feel very optimistic, like I have been working so hard for so long to get to a place where I don’t wake up in the morning worried about everything, and afraid of everything.

Now if I can just start exercising regularly I will be complete (I keeeed, I keeeeeeeeeeed…)

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i know this may seem premature, given my last nervous-wreck-of-a-post, and given the fact that i have only been to one class, but i really feel like this is my jam, the jam i have been looking for for oh so long. i love my teacher (she’s actually the teacher for both of my classes)- she reminds me of mary gross (it took me forever to come up with that name- i knew right away she reminded me of someone) from saturday night live, only blonder, and more ironic. the syllabus…- syllabusses? syllabi?- for the two classes are very clear, and neither class requires more than 12 pages of writing (double spaced) which should be a breeze. we also have to give presentations in both classes, which should make handy use of my theatrical background, and i have already picked a topic for one of our presentations- the oral history association (neato!).

okay, i know i am a total dork, but i am so excited to be studying library science! there’s so much neat information, and so many interesting applications and research methods and resources to explore.- yippeee! i know there will be boring bits, but it can’t be but so bad in a career that’s based around learning new information and teaching other people how to find new information- constant intellectual stimulation, just what i’ve always wanted!!!!

i’ll stop now. have to do some reading for class…

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my stomach is tight, and i feel like i want to throw up a little- in exactly 2 hours and 27 minutes i will be sitting in my first class of graduate school. gulp. what if i’m not smart enough for graduate school? what if i’m not serious enough to be a librarian, if i’m too flighty or artsy or right brained? (or is it left brained- see, i don’t even remember which side of the brain is which, how will i ever master an advanced cataloging system?!?)

j has been to each of his two classes twice already, and he really likes them. he’s taking an american government course and a class on lexicology. i wish i was taking a class on lexicology. words i can handle, but i don’t know about computer resource retrieval.

maybe i’m in over my head…maybe i should just stay at my nice boring but easy university job, and take my $1 a year raise and my good benefits and my ample vacation time and free nights and weekends. maybe i should revisit that ‘win the lottery and spend the rest of my life shopping at farmers’ markets and browsing in used bookstores’ plan. maybe i should resign myself to a life of unchallenging work and wasted intellect and countless hours spent blogging and reading perez hilton followed by long nights of drinking three buck chuck and falling asleep to reruns of law and order SVU (thinking: “hey, maybe i should go to law school…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”)

only 2 hours and 18 minutes to go now. an hour and a half of that being time in the car, sitting in rush hour traffic to drive 16 miles, during which i will probably psych myself into a quivering ball of raw insecurity.


maybe my car will overheat again.

maybe that meteor that stephen hawking has been talking about will finally hit.

wish me luck…

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new year, new post

hopefully that won’t be an indicator of the frequency with which i blog this year. though with grad school looming on the horizon, and a new quarter starting at my oh-so-preppy new collegiate job, we’ll just have to see. i do still have a fair amount of down time on the computer right now, but things could change as of next week.

i always get a little bit (okay, usually a lot) blue after Christmas is over. i’m not such a fan of new years (no caps), as it’s really just another amateur night holiday for weekend warriors who don’t mind paying $50 to walk into a bar that would otherwise be free. are those paper horns and that glass of korbel they give you at midnight supposed to make you feel better about paying a cover for a sports bar? no thanks. i spent the dawning of 2007 eating a fabulous italian dinner at my mr.’s restaurant, then booked it home to drink in the new year with J, some friends and our very own bottle of real french champagne- low key, just like i like it.

but i do feel sad when Christmas is over, partly because it means that i have to wait another whole year for that particular, cozy Christmas glow that i love so much, and partly because it means that we are entering the very worst possible time of the year- winter, forever and ever and ever. and here in the windy city, that winter can be sure to last at least until the beginning of may; oh no, no soft sunlit springtimes for us here in the cruel midwest. we’re lucky we get fall. there are things i really do hate about living here, and winter (the length, not the severity- that’s really over dramatized) is top of the list.

but this year i have a beacon of hope to light my way through this tunnel of cold gray bleakness- grad school, starting this thursday. yessiree, i’m starting library school, and in no time at all (or at least not longer than two years) i will be a card carrying, glasses wearing (i need to go to the eye doctor, and i know what they’re going to say…), angrily “shusssssh”-ing librarian. yippee! i am really excited to start, though more than a little nervous as well. i haven’t been formally “in school” for a very long time, and i am not quite sure what kind of a time commitment it will involve outside of class. well, at least i like to write, so papers shouldn’t be so bad. and i am really going to try not to focus on grades as much as fully absorbing the material- that’s more of the point anyway, out there in the real world (though i know my overachieving honor student alter ego is sure to pop up at some point to insist that i stay at the head of the class- down girl, down girl!). my first two courses are Intro to Library Science ( “an overview of the history, philosophy, purpose, functions and processes, users, collections and evaluation of academic, public, school and special libraries and information centers; of the history and trends of books and other media, publishing, and information technology; of the principles and basic elements of the collection development process; of relevant legal and ethical topics–intellectual property (copyright), access, confidentiality of records, intellectual freedom and censorship; and of current professional issues.” – am i a total dork that that sounds AWESOME to me?) and Reference and Online Services. these are two of the three prerequisites to almost every other course in the program. after that, it gets more specific, and hopefully i will have more of an idea of where i want to focus; right now i am leaning towards academic (university) library work or perhaps archiving, but that could all change once i actually start the program. i know that i want to take the classes on ‘early books and manuscripts’ and ‘history of the printed book’, and the story-telling course. i just hope i like this librarian track as much as i think i will, or it’s back to the career drawing board for me. well, at least i have my foot in the door of academia with my current job, so i wouldn’t be starting totally from scratch.

J starts school today too; i can’t wait to see how he likes being back in classes. i think he’s more nervous than i am, as he’s been out longer. i really think that school is going to be great for him, that it will give him some of the focus he has been wanting in his life. i’m so happy with our little academic family!

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